I'm so sorry
I don't know how this happened
Thank God you still love me
After we both wept for three minutes, I made her laugh....something we have always been able to do for each other in a time of turmoil! We had about eight minutes left and it seemed like the minutes were racing, and I just wanted to stop time! She wanted to know how my boys were doing.....they have a deep love for one another, and she would literally give her life for them. She wanted to know if I saw her on the news and how sorry she was to embarrass the family. I assured her I never saw the news and never cared to, and I could careless what anyone thought about her or our family. When I told her that so many people have offered kind, encouraging words, she was in disbelief that anyone would speak anything of her but criticism.
She was proud to tell me that she enjoys the church ladies that come to speak, and she has started reading the bible. I expressed my sadness for where she was but at the same time, a feeling of peace.
I know it's going to be a long, hard road but you can have a fulfilling life when this is all over, and it's a chance to heal....a new beginning!
She didn't say a word, she couldn't......with tears streaming down her face, she nodded and mouthed the words "I know."
Then our moment was abruptly terminated as they escorted me out of the room.
I wanted to bust through the glass, grab her, and run for dear life. I wanted to bring her home for dinner at my parents like we do every weekend. I wanted her to walk through the front door and my boys run and jump in her arms....I wanted everything to be the way it was.
Then, God reminded me.....this is what it's going to take to save her life, let go and let me.
I know it's the truth, I found a letter she wrote me just before she was arrested.
Hey Sis, I know your angry I took the selfish, easy way out. I want you to know I struggled with this decision for about 20 years. This life was never really for me and I've never known what's wrong with me, but I've never been happy. I'm sorry I was never the sister you deserved. Please do me a favor, I love those boys more than anything in the world and they think I hung the moon. They have not been jaded by the truth yet, please don't let people ever talk bad about me in front of them. Please don't let them know their aunt was a drug addict. I love you very much and I hope you have a wonderful life!
Love Carrie
If she wasn't arrested when she was, I believe we would have found her dead.
I'm praising God through this storm and I know he is at work!
Addiction is a battle my sister has fought since she was sixteen and it's consumed her entire life. She has a good heart and she wants to live a happy life, she just can't seem to find her way out. Her careers have included law enforcement, paramedic, and military..........she always wanted to save other people, but never found a way to save herself.
Tonight I was looking at pictures.....
and wondered, how in the world did this happen? Where did this little girl go? How do we save her?
I'm not sure, but I do know.....I will never give up and neither will God!
I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Hebrews 13:5
Until Next Time.....
